LOF New Release: Getting To Know Mom: Episode 1: Mommy Doesn’t Need To Know Mommy Is Coming

The Getting To Know Mom Series: Episode 1: Mommy Doesn't Need To Know Mommy Is Coming
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The Getting To Know Mom Series: Episode 1: Mommy Doesn’t Need To Know Mommy Is Coming by Luca Satana

I think it’s safe to say two moms don’t make a right. Definitely not my two moms and this whole Mommy Doesn’t Need To Know Mommy Is Coming chapter in my life.

The Getting To Know Mom Series: Episode 1: Mommy Doesn't Need To Know Mommy Is ComingFinally, there’s a series devoted to men getting to know their moms. You know, biblically speaking. And not a moment too soon.

Starting with Mommy Doesn’t Need To Know Mommy Is Coming:

In the history of weird situations, this has got to be the weirdest. And I wonder on what planet my moms thought this was okay. And yes, I did mean moms. Even though, technically, only one of them gave birth to me, they both were my moms. And if you ask me, the two of them, both of my moms, need to take a long serious look in the mirror to consider the part they played in this misadventure. I think, only then can we truly start to come back from this. You hear me, Moms?

Excerpt:

So, I was 18, now. And truth be told, nothing much had changed. I got my license. Finally. It’s not like I wanted to get it. But at 18, I think they just won’t let you get by without one. So you can vote, I guess. Something I didn’t really want to do, either. You give me a candidate I can believe in, or at the very least, believe, for 5 seconds, and maybe I’ll want to vote. Good luck with that. But more than anything else, this last change, this change I’m about to tell you about, I most definitely didn’t want to do.

I remember the night quite clearly.

It was a Friday. I was in a pretty good mood. I just had my first date with Laura, this girl from school. It went pretty well. We did some kissing. Some this and that. But nothing alarming. Or monumental.

Anyway, when I got home, I tossed my coat over a chair and headed upstairs. I was seriously thinking I might do my homework. On a Friday night? Get real. Try more like Sunday night. Or more like Monday morning before class. But, like I said, I was feeling good. In a good mood. So, anything was possible, really. Even doing my homework in the very beginning of the weekend, rather than the very end.

So, yeah, on the way to my room, I passed by my moms’ bedroom. They were always doing something in there. And often partially, or wholly naked. Sure, it was a little weird. But maybe not really. Or maybe I was just used to it. Regardless, mostly because of this, I had got in the habit of not looking in my moms’ bedroom. Even when the door was wide open. Because, with my moms, the door being open or closed meant nothing.

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LOF New Release: Mom Is The Gift That Keeps Giving: Episode 1 by Luca Satana

Mom Is The Gift That Keeps Giving: Episode 1
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Mom Is The Gift That Keeps Giving: Episode 1 by Luca Satana

After such a horrible year, our sweet mom wanted us to have a very special Christmas. So now our sweet mom is the gift that keeps giving.

Mom Is The Gift That Keeps Giving: Episode 1It’s been a rough year. And nobody’s suffered more than our sweet mom. All she could do to stay sane was give my brother and I the best Christmas ever, which included sprucing up the house with just about all the Christmas nonsense she could find. But when it came time to open our presents, we realized our present was our sweet mom. And now we knew, our mom is the gift that keeps giving.

Excerpt:

For months now, I didn’t have a clue what our sweet mom was up to. And now, on Christmas Eve, I really didn’t have a clue what our sweet mom was up to. And I could only assume my brother Garfunkel – yeah, our mom named us Simon and Garfunkel – and yeah my brother totally got the short end of that stick – at least judging from the blank expression on his face, didn’t have a clue, either.

So, yeah, we were just sort of sitting there on the living room couch. And our sweet mom, like some kind of sweet angel who materialized out of thin air right there in front of our eyes, was in the midst of all the lit-up, sensory-overload, Christmas decorations madness, in her flannel button-up shirt, long light sweater, and jeans. Me, I was in my Clash t-shirt and jeans. My brother was in his Maroon 5 t-shirt and jeans – gees, and he wondered why the kids at school gave him shit.

“By now, I guess you boys can tell Mommy’s been a little honed in on Christmas this year, right?”

Yes,” we said in unison. Did I mention my brother and I were twins? Not identical. Fraternal. Although we definitely looked similar enough to be identical, with only the smallest differences – as we would soon become intimately aware of. And so, being nearly identical twins, I especially hated it when we went full-on creepy twins and spoke in unison. And yet, it continued to happen. Often. Way too often.

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LOF New Release: The Little Tiny Absolutely Essential Thing I Do To Make My Mom Happy: Episode 1

The Little Tiny Absolutely Essential Thing I Do To Make My Mom Happy: Episode 1
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The Little Tiny Absolutely Essential Thing I Do To Make My Mom Happy: Episode 1 by Tura Brasi

Sometimes, in little tiny absolutely essential ways, a dad’s understanding of a mom’s anatomy can go amiss. And that’s where sons come in.

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you what I do for my mom is any big thing. It’s just a little thing. A little tiny absolutely essential thing I do to make my mom happy. At least according to my dad. And, especially according to my mom.

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LOF New Release: In The Future It Will Be A Lot Harder To Put A Smile On Your Daughter’s Face: Episode 1

In The Future It Will Be A Lot Harder To Put A Smile On Your Daughter's Face: Episode 1
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In The Future It Will Be a Lot Harder To Put A Smile On Your Daughter’s Face: Episode 1 by Tura Brasi

Being from the twentieth century, there was a lot of things to get used, none bigger than how hard it was to put a smile on your daughter’s face.

In The Future It Will Be A Lot Harder To Put A Smile On Your Daughter's Face: Episode 1Being from the twentieth century, there was a lot of things to get used, none bigger than how hard it was to put a smile on your daughter’s face. When I say that, I mean everyone’s daughter. My concerns, however, are only for my own sweet daughter. My wife Ora. My son Cyl. My wife’s parents Wel and Ari. Dr. Gol. Our friends. And most of all, our daughter Cya. They all looked at me like I was mad. Or just a primitive. With primitive ideals. From several centuries prior.

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LOF New Release: The Cutie Conservation Center: Episode 1: Tiffany (Cutie #1)

The Cutie Conservation Center: Episode 1: Tiffany (Cutie #1)
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The Cutie Conservation Center: Episode 1: Tiffany (Cutie #1) by Byzantine Thomas

Do you have unwanted cuties? Send them to The Cutie Conservation Center, where they will be protected and preserved and promptly fucked by yours truly.

The Cutie Conservation Center: Episode 1: Tiffany (Cutie #1)Okay, so the first thing you do when you come into a lot of money, like I did when my filthy rich grandfather died, especially if you think you hate people, is buy an island and build a big house on it and begin to live out your life as an ultra-hermit. However, invariably, what happens after, over time, is you start to realize maybe you don’t hate people, maybe you might even like to have some people around, well maybe just girls, maybe just cute girls. So, then you put an ad in some well-circulated papers and magazines about The Cutie Conservation Center, which is really just your last name, as in Hamilton Cutie, where people might like to send their unwanted cuties, for whatever reason and for however long, which is probably a thing, maybe, and, for a small fee, their cuties, like a bird sanctuary or autobahn society, would be protected, from what, I haven’t got a clue, until that same cutie is wanted again. And so, that’s what I did, some hundred or so cuties ago.

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Mom's Mercy: Episode 1 (Part 1)LOF All-Time Best Seller!

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