LOF New Release: My Mom Beats Me: Episode 2

My Mom Beats Me: Episode 2
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My Mom Beats Me: Episode 2 by Luca Satana

I don’t mind if my mom beats me. It’s when she really beats me, and I mean really beats me senseless, I really start to lose my mind.

My Mom Beats Me: Episode 2My mom beats me. In pretty much every sense of the word. I know. Weird. She thinks it’s hilarious. It’s sick. And gross. And freaky. And spectacular. But awful, too. And she just laughs and laughs. And I just get beat and beat. In pretty much every sense of the word. I know. Weird.

Excerpt:

Then it happened one day. After school. I was flustered. From school. From general shit. Life. You know.

So, then I see my mom on the couch playing on her tablet. Playing one of her games.

“Hey, Mom,” I said, probably sounding as miserable as I felt.

“Hey, Elvi. What’s up?” my mom said, sounding enthralled, more than likely by the game she was wrapped up in.

“Not much.”

“You sound down.”

“Yeah. General shit.”

“Whose General Shit? Sounds like a right prick.”

“Yeah. He is.” I smiled. I couldn’t help it.

If only we could take all our problems and mash them into one all-encompassing being. Someone we could direct all our anger at. And we could call him General Shit. And he’s a right prick.

“Chess?” my mom suddenly said, smiling, as she held up her tablet.

“Mom, I always beat you,” I said, trying not to smile, since I wasn’t about to expound on the fact that in the whole world, there was only one game I could regularly beat my mom at, and that was chess. Continuing to belabor that point would not be wise. Only further antagonizing my already very antagonizable mom. My very antagonizable highly competitive mom.

“Maybe not this time.” My mom smiled, and rather deviously at that.

“Mom, what could possibly change?” Okay, I wasn’t exactly following my own advice. Abort! Abort!

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LOF New Release: My Mom’s Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 2

My Mom's Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 2
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Legion Of Filth Erotic Stories NEW RELEASE

My Mom’s Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 2 by Luca Satana

If you ask me, my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins. I’m just saying. I’m not trying to be crass. Just accurate.

My Mom's Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 2If you ask me, my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins. I’m just saying. I’m not trying to be crass. Just accurate. So many things in life are inaccurate. Or, let’s face it, false. Or just lazily handled. So, I would like to get this one thing right. And that is my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins.

Excerpt:

As you might imagine, after my mom’s first fucked-up time-out, things between us were quite weird.

Take for instance the very next night, when my dad, my mom, and me were watching TV. Well, I guess you could say just my dad was watching TV.

When my dad was home from work, he pretty much ruled the TV. After all, the TV was my dad’s one true love. Far be it for my mom or me to get in the way of something so right and so pure.

Regardless of who was actually watching the TV, the important thing to note was what was actually on, which was, of course, another CSINCIS episode, this one Sarasota, where they were dealing with a gruesome triple murder. My dad was riveted. My mom was appalled, at least whenever she looked up from the magazine she was reading. And I was bored, at least whenever I looked up from my phone.

Be sure to sign up for author alerts on Luca Satana’s author page on Smashwords and get new title updates

However, there was one thing I simply could not ignore about this particular episode, and that was the fact that the powers that be decided to throw a little role Rosanna Arquette’s way, which, to me, was always cause for alarm, since Rosanna Arquette might have the best boobs in Hollywood, at least as far as sheer volume, not so much in boob volume, but as far as the frequency in which she was willing to show them off, which was basically dozens of times throughout the years, which was something I always found to be quite generous on her part – and I salute you for that, Rosanna.

Although, since CSINCIS was network TV, it was highly unlikely Rosanna Arquette was going to get the opportunity to be so generous in this episode, which was, in a way, a good thing, since I rather not be around when my dad was admiring her, well, big and bouncy talents.

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LOF New Release: The Best Shot: Episode 6: Mommy Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Leading A Productive Life

The Best Shot: Episode 6: Mommy Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Leading A Productive Life
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Legion Of Filth Erotic Stories NEW RELEASE

The Best Shot: Episode 6: Mommy Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Leading A Productive Life by Luca Satana

What are you supposed to do when your mom says, “Mommy wants to give you the best shot at leading a productive life.”?

The Best Shot: Episode 6: Mommy Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Leading A Productive LifeFor a pretty healthy, mostly normal 18-year-old guy, I think everything was going just fine in my life. So, I wasn’t the most sexual person in the world. I had my future to think about. Who had time for things like girls? Sex? Etc.? Little did I know, those were the exact things that would have protected me from what was about to happen in my life. My totally fucked-up, out-there, life.

Excerpt:

When I finally arrived home, I guess you could say I was more than a little frazzled, thoroughly diminished by the multitude of unexorcised cum practically climbing the walls of my balls to get out. I was so frazzled, in fact, I almost forgot about my mom, and my mom’s pact with the devil, AKA Dr. Phil, but was soon reminded when I made it upstairs and heard the faint, and grating voice of Dr. Phil endlessly spewing pearls of dogshit, which made me stop dead in my tracks, especially when I realized at that instant where it was coming from, behind the hallway bathroom door, where my mom was likely taking a bath, just her and the endless supply of daytime talk shows streaming on her phone.

Connor?” my mom called to me.

Um, yeah?” I called back, grimacing.

“Come in here.”

“Okay.”

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LOF New Release: My Mom’s Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 1

My Mom's Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 1
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Legion Of Filth Erotic Stories NEW RELEASE

My Mom’s Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 1 by Luca Satana

If you ask me, my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins. I’m just saying. I’m not trying to be crass. Just accurate.

My Mom's Fucked-Up Time-Outs Should Really Be Called Time-Ins: Episode 1If you ask me, my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins. I’m just saying. I’m not trying to be crass. Just accurate. So many things in life are inaccurate. Or, let’s face it, false. Or just lazily handled. So, I would like to get this one thing right. And that is my mom’s fucked-up time-outs should really be called time-ins.

Excerpt:

Seriously, this time, I really was just minding my own business. At least from where I was sitting. Honest.

I was at one of my mom’s little get togethers at the house, just sitting in the living room, just like everyone else, when my spry little mom suddenly scampered in from the kitchen, already halfway into one of her long and winding anecdotes, this one about going to the supermarket and grabbing the last box of Rice Krispies, as she delivered a Rice Krispies Square to each of us, when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and glared at me, or, perhaps, at the bulge in my jeans.

A century passed.

Then, thankfully, my mom seemed to recover, and then recover her anecdote, with only the slightest hiccup in her long and winding anecdote.

I could finally breathe easy. At least for the time being. I knew, eventually, I was going to have to answer for my crimes. For the bulge in my jeans.

However, this time, I believed I had the perfect answer. One I was quite certain would work. Mostly because it was the truth. At least from where I was sitting.

Sure enough, no less than a second after the last guest stepped out into the night, and no less than a second after my dad announced he was going to take a shit, my spry little mom suddenly wheeled around to me and crossed her little arms tight enough to strangle herself, not to mention her not-so-little boobs.

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LOF New Release: The Best Shot: Episode 5: Grandma Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Being Her Fountain Of Youth

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The Best Shot: Episode 5: Grandma Wants To Give You The Best Shot At Being Her Fountain Of Youth by Luca Satana

But what are you supposed to do when your grandma says, “Grandma wants to give you the best shot at being her fountain of youth”?

For a pretty healthy, mostly normal 18-year-old guy, I think everything was going just fine in my life. So, I wasn’t the most sexual person in the world. I had my future to think about. Who had time for things like girls? Sex? Etc.? Little did I know, those were the exact things that would have protected me from what was about to happen in my life. My totally fucked-up, out-there, life.

Excerpt:

There may be something to this fountain of youth stuff, because low and behold, the next time I opened my eyes, my grandma was, well, doing gymnastics in her bedroom, flipping, summersaulting, etc. As bizarre as that was, it was even more bizarre when I realized she had lost her bra, as her big surprisingly perky breasts and beaming nipples were flipping, summersaulting, etc. right along with her. It was enough to make me hard all over again.

Grandma…?” I said, wanting to make sure she was still my grandma and not Nadia Comaneci.

“Connor, you’re up! And so is Grandma’s fountain of youth!” my grandma said, as she practically flew to the bed, scaring the living shit out of me, before she landed dangerously close to my rock-hard cock, and immediately wrapping her extremely silky-smooth lips around my dripping cockhead, giving me the chills, and then pushing down lightning-fast, giving me even more chills, as I thought I might lose it a fifth time right then and there…

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